I don't know what's wrong with me.

What the heck is going on? I'm packing on the pounds, eating like crazy, not working out, not sleeping, not ... not living my life. I cry at the drop of a hat. What is wrong with me? Is it depression? Is it the "peri-menopause" I keep hearing about, with mood swings and such? I don't know.

I get up in the morning, get ready, go to work, come home, sleep, get up in the morning... etc. all over again. When I'm at home, instead of working on my yard and house, I sit like a bowl of pudding on the couch and zone out to the TV... or sit at the computer and play mindless games for hours on end.

There is no motivation. I can't remember when I last worked out and it's really beginning to show in loose muscle tone all over and how my clothes (don't) fit. But I can't seem to make myself get up and get moving. I avoid one of my friends who is a tyrant about food and exercise, because I just don't want to deal with her. It *will* be a fight. She says when I try to "perk up" for our visits that I just come across as "fake." Well, duh. I don't want to be there when she's nagging me and trying to "fix" me according to her precepts about what I should be doing, feeling, etc. So I smile and nod. I guess that's "fake." (You know, it would be a lot easier for me to do what she says if it were all working for her. It ain't.)

I don't know what's wrong with me.